I feel like I finally am understanding myself and my thoughts better by reading this. I have literally thought I have been going insane, by how much my mind has gotten polluted with these thoughts for the duration of my relationship. It’s exhausting and devastating. I have felt so much anxiety and discomfort in my body that I have wanted to run away from and “fix.” All the searching for certainty and fearing my relationship is wrong. Thank you for naming it and sharing your journey, because I definitely feel more understood and want to seek greater support in this area.
"Maybe these intrusive thoughts are actually my intuition trying to tell me something." ohh, i've been here. thank you for sharing such a vulnerable, thoughtful piece. i find articles like this are so important, truly help others feel seen & less alone. with that being said, sending lots of love your way, & i look forward to reading more 🫂
Thank you so much! I’m doing very well nowadays. Intrusive thoughts are present of course but am no longer in a disordered relationship with them. There is life beyond OCD. With hard work, medication in some cases and a great support that is 200% possible :)
Felt like I was on a journey reading through all this! 🩶 this not only sounds suffocating but also frustrating to experience. Thank you for allowing me a peek into your mind. 🫂
Thank you for reading me! It can become so life altering to the point that OCD is among top 10 mental health disorders that create the most suicides. It really is hell on earth and it’s important that people be educated about it :)
How did you read the chaos of my mind and put it into words? This was so painfully relatable.Every "what if" echoed like thoughts I've never been able to name..😭 You captured the exhausting spiral that slowly turns us into an avoidant version of ourselves. Beautifully written! Thank you, Irina.
Thank you for your comment. I’m glad it resonated and I truly hope to make others feel seen. I do want to state that I’d love for them to not use my content as reassurance - but to understand that there is thriving and satisfying and peaceful life behind the disorder. I hope you’re treating yourself with compassion and doing the hard things that you need for your recovery :)
I've never seen myself in words so much before when it comes to what happens in my head regarding being in a relationship. Validating to know I'm not crazy thank you.
I gave up on being with someone because of how it triggers these thoughts. Staying single feels like the only real solution to avoid the daily spiral.
I’m so sorry that you’re having to deal with this ordeal. But I promise that it gets better with the right help and with lots of work on your side. But it’s so rewarding. I know exactly what you mean when you say it was validating as experience and also how staying single feels like the safest choice.
There is safety. But in reality is just avoidance and in the end you’ll be suffering or regretting more not having fought for what you truly desire and deserve. I know you can do it :)
On Substack there is a great, great OCD community and I’m sure that together with them and with resources you may have (there are lots of great free therapist resources too) you can get to a place where fear will not dictate your dating life at all.
Wow, thank you for sharing this! Some of those thoughts felt eerily similar to when I was really struggling with relationship OCD back in 2020. Im sorry you had to walk through all those spirals of uncertainty, but I’m glad to hear that you’ve experienced healing after such a dark time!
It’s incredible how OCD mechanism stays the same regardless of the themes we’re experiencing, right? And also the common humanity in our experiences OCD or not.
I haven’t! I’ve studied ICBT by myself as I was curious about the mechanics of it. I find that in essence although « different » they kind of teach the same in the end but use other words or comparisons. The two may appeal and work for different personalities or styles. And that’s the important part - that more evidence backed therapies are available to treat more and more people who are in need and for whom current approaches haven’t worked.
I feel like I finally am understanding myself and my thoughts better by reading this. I have literally thought I have been going insane, by how much my mind has gotten polluted with these thoughts for the duration of my relationship. It’s exhausting and devastating. I have felt so much anxiety and discomfort in my body that I have wanted to run away from and “fix.” All the searching for certainty and fearing my relationship is wrong. Thank you for naming it and sharing your journey, because I definitely feel more understood and want to seek greater support in this area.
"Maybe these intrusive thoughts are actually my intuition trying to tell me something." ohh, i've been here. thank you for sharing such a vulnerable, thoughtful piece. i find articles like this are so important, truly help others feel seen & less alone. with that being said, sending lots of love your way, & i look forward to reading more 🫂
Thank you so much! I’m doing very well nowadays. Intrusive thoughts are present of course but am no longer in a disordered relationship with them. There is life beyond OCD. With hard work, medication in some cases and a great support that is 200% possible :)
Felt like I was on a journey reading through all this! 🩶 this not only sounds suffocating but also frustrating to experience. Thank you for allowing me a peek into your mind. 🫂
Thank you for reading me! It can become so life altering to the point that OCD is among top 10 mental health disorders that create the most suicides. It really is hell on earth and it’s important that people be educated about it :)
How did you read the chaos of my mind and put it into words? This was so painfully relatable.Every "what if" echoed like thoughts I've never been able to name..😭 You captured the exhausting spiral that slowly turns us into an avoidant version of ourselves. Beautifully written! Thank you, Irina.
Thank you for your comment. I’m glad it resonated and I truly hope to make others feel seen. I do want to state that I’d love for them to not use my content as reassurance - but to understand that there is thriving and satisfying and peaceful life behind the disorder. I hope you’re treating yourself with compassion and doing the hard things that you need for your recovery :)
I've never seen myself in words so much before when it comes to what happens in my head regarding being in a relationship. Validating to know I'm not crazy thank you.
I gave up on being with someone because of how it triggers these thoughts. Staying single feels like the only real solution to avoid the daily spiral.
I’m so sorry that you’re having to deal with this ordeal. But I promise that it gets better with the right help and with lots of work on your side. But it’s so rewarding. I know exactly what you mean when you say it was validating as experience and also how staying single feels like the safest choice.
There is safety. But in reality is just avoidance and in the end you’ll be suffering or regretting more not having fought for what you truly desire and deserve. I know you can do it :)
On Substack there is a great, great OCD community and I’m sure that together with them and with resources you may have (there are lots of great free therapist resources too) you can get to a place where fear will not dictate your dating life at all.
Wow, thank you for sharing this! Some of those thoughts felt eerily similar to when I was really struggling with relationship OCD back in 2020. Im sorry you had to walk through all those spirals of uncertainty, but I’m glad to hear that you’ve experienced healing after such a dark time!
It’s incredible how OCD mechanism stays the same regardless of the themes we’re experiencing, right? And also the common humanity in our experiences OCD or not.
For sure!! Have you done any work with ICBT? I feel like that helped me understand the way ocd works so much better!
I haven’t! I’ve studied ICBT by myself as I was curious about the mechanics of it. I find that in essence although « different » they kind of teach the same in the end but use other words or comparisons. The two may appeal and work for different personalities or styles. And that’s the important part - that more evidence backed therapies are available to treat more and more people who are in need and for whom current approaches haven’t worked.
Ah yeah that makes sense!! And true, it’s good to have options :)
Thank you for that. It's kind of wild how OCD plays the exact same tricks no matter one's particular obsession/s.